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No more snowballs, no longer a victim

I am a 34 year old male. I was in active addiction for the best part of 20 years. For as long as I can remember I always saw my problems as external, whether it was my upbringing, my parents, or the community I was living in. I even liked blaming the police for just doing their jobs. I felt like a victim and I was always searching for that big poor victim medal. I wanted answers and the more I searched the more I got frustrated. I felt that I was running out of options and that it was becoming hopeless. It was easier just to carry on being all that I wasnít. From the time I had my first spliff, to my last snowball of heroin and crack, my using progressed rapidly. The more I wanted, the more I needed, and that meant more money and bigger consequences!

Looking back on my journey in active addiction, I saw that I was lucky, and that if it wasnít for the jails and institutions I would certainly be dead. Thankfully I spent more days in prisons than on the streets in full blown addiction. Crime went hand in hand with my using, and it always ended in the same results.

The ripple effects of my actions had massive effects on myself, on my loved ones, on my community, and even on society. All I wanted was freedom in my mind. I wanted to experience life without fear and to be able to be normal, just to be able to love my wife, my children, my mum, my family, and have a little work van, and a job to take care of them to enjoy life with. Everything I tried ,whether it was people and places, or medication, it never succeeded! It always came back to the same results.

Since practising these 12 simple steps and attending meetings I am learning hand in hand with others to live my life in a way I couldíve never imagined. I no longer use mind altering substances. WOW! I love myself. I love others. And the more I accept myself the more I accept others. Iím no longer searching for answers or living in the past or wrapped in fear. I have freedom within. For me, I have found the answer and that all I had to do was to look inwards not outwards. Today, however I feel, whoever I am, whatever I have got, it is because of this program.

Ashley

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