I was born in London 1997 withdrawing from drugs due to my mum taking them on a daily basis when she was pregnant. I was very lucky because my aunt and uncle decided to adopt me and take me to their house in South- on-Sea. As soon as I was discharged from hospital they wrapped me up in cotton wool, fed me like a king and gave me the best childhood a boy could ever have. That was not good enough and I felt very disconnected from them and the world. I was constantly isolating whilst feeling lonely and scared. I didn't know how people lived life happily on a daily basis by laughing, smiling and chatting away. I was searching for contentment and could never find it.
The day came when I decided to get drunk for the first time with my brother. I had no idea that this was the day when drugs would slowly start to destroy my family, home. All I could see was life at last, for the first time in 14 years I could feel happiness, peace and contentment. The feeling was beyond this world and at last I found exactly what I need to succeed and accomplish in life. Drugs became my best friend, they helped me to connect to the real world and gave me motivation and ambitions to achieve my wildest dreams. I didn't understand why my aunt and uncle had such a negative opinion against drugs. They always told me how addictive, deadly and destructive they can become to my life. I had no idea what was coming. I decided to go and spend some time with my mother as she still used drugs. I did not return to my aunt and uncle's house because I would have to stop using drugs. I eventually had to leave my mother's house as she decided to admit herself to rehab. I put myself in supported accommodation and from there my life rapidly started to become a nightmare from hell. Drugs quickly turned from my friend to my master. Drugs no longer brought happiness, peace and contentment to my life all they had for me was misery, loneliness and consequences from hell.
I would always end up passed out in town or waking up in a hospital bed on a drip saying to myself 'how did this happen again? I have to stop this I can't go on like this anymore'. I would leave the hospital with the best intentions of and then go straight to the closest off licence thinking to myself 'I'm just going to have a couple of beers on the way home'. Within 24hrs I would be back on that hospital bed again embarrassed by seeing the same nurses that were on duty the night before. This vicious cycle would continue months on end it eventually felt like a normal part of my life. When I was 16 I decided to put myself in into rehab. I was 3 months sober and asked myself why am I not happy now. I haven't got drugs overpowering my life anymore at last. I am in control again, I am not going to be admitted to hospital. I decided when I left rehab to just have a couple of drinks to block out these feelings justifying it by saying I've been sober for 6 months now I'll be fine. Every time I returned to being the servant and drugs become my master. Before long I would get slung out on the streets as no-one wanted me on their premises.
I became homeless and had a tent pitched in the woods. I slowly started to give up on myself I had no hope or faith I could not see a way out. All my methods had failed completely detox units, rehab, drug centres, medication and trying to stay sober for my family who I dearly love. The only solution I had was to stay in my tent and use drugs to oblivion. I slowly started to contemplate suicide as this was the only route left where I would find peace. My aunt contacted my father and asked him if he could take me to Plymouth. I moved to Plymouth, slowly detoxed of drugs in the community.
My father told to me about Drug Addicts Anonymous and I didn't want to go there as I thought I'd had already recovered. I didn't understand how recovered drug addicts from lived a happy life without taking drugs, how they have lost the obsession to use them and miraculously found peace. I realised that this was the only solution I had left to try. I had a glimpse of faith that if I do what other people have done in this meeting I will recover like them. I got a sponsor who had recovered in DAA and told me if you do exactly what I have done, then you will recover.
From that day, my whole life started to change at last. I found peace and started to live life happily without the use of drugs. I felt connected to the world and comfortable around other people. DAA has pulled me back from the gates of hell and has transformed my life completely. It has given me a fresh start and opportunity to fulfil my dreams. I have also found true friends for the first time in my life and they support me and guide me in the right direction. When life is getting tough they are like my second family and I never have to feel alone or return to drugs again as long as I keep my heart in the programme and the fellowship.
Kai